Sure, the south leg has a bad reputation. If it's not too hot, it's raining. If it's not raining, there are palm fronds strewn across the highway due to high-velocity winds. And if it's not steamy and humid, then you're not in Florida. However, when you brush the weather aside, the real reason everyone goes on the south leg becomes really obvious: it's a tropical storm of pure fun. Think about it. Florida is the only state economy in the USA completely upheld by partying, and this Tour certainly did its part to roll back any signs of recession. All-out lasciviousness and barbaric revelry ruled our lives for two days straight, and we were glad to share it with everyone who ignored the looming shadow of Hurricane Isabel to join us. In fact, Isabel, being the trendy snob that she is, completely skipped our moveable feast to highball it with the north leggers. The result? The sunniest days the Sunshine State has ever seen, lending us a sweet mellow drive up I 95. Sorry, north leg, no falling electrical towers or flying trees crushing our cars, just a straight path to the NOPI Nationals' bountiful swarm of boobies is all we experienced. All we have to say is: Florida fo-eva!
The Kickoff: HP Racing
HP Racing hosted an enormous intro to the Tour again, allowing us to fill its commercial parking lot with cars and get lewd in Miami's outskirts the night before the big drive. In true Scarface fashion, we hopped on the scene to surprise everyone with our little friend, but couldn't find any takers. Perhaps that's why the attendance level from the evening party beginning at 8 p.m. remained huge with a few hundred revelers while the morning kickoff at 7 a.m. (same place) garnered perhaps 15 long-haulers total. We'll never know. But we'd like to thank HP Racing once again for showing us how a Miami soiree is accommodated, and for letting us salivate all over its vast choices of beautiful racing equipment that we're far too poor to afford.
Grub Stop #1:Taco Bell; Melbourne, FloridaIt's pretty simple, really. After driving a few hundred miles up the large dong that is Florida, we began to experience an empty feeling deep within the pits of our stomachs. The remedy? Taco Bell, of course. Two bean burritos without onions and a large Pepsi later (we can charge back to the company when we're on trips, otherwise we would've asked for water), we were feeling fine again, and we didn't even come close to breaking our travel budget! This also gave us our first chance to get a good look at the cars on the Tour, and we even picked up a few strays in the parking lot right then and there. Must've been Jason Dienhart's inspirational giveaways from the Penske truck that won their hearts over.
Debauchery Stop: 600 North Club; Daytona Beach, Florida
Finally, what we've been waiting for the whole trip: a Toucan party! The second night of the south leg proved to be the raunchiest and, subsequently, the most fun part thus far. 600 North, the nightclub to end all nightclubs in Daytona Beach, let us drink fizzy apple juice until we heaved, and then went even further and brought on the bikini contest. Hook-ups ran aplenty, not on our side of course, but we had to smile at all the jollification packed into one room. We have no idea what happened after 12 a.m. because the apple juice really jacked up our memories, so you'll just have to fill in the details yourselves. Here are the basic imaginative ingredients: girls, apple juice, 50 Cent, and strobe lights. Enjoy.