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NOPI Race Wars - Virginia's Lovers

Scene: NOPI Mid-Atlantic Race Wars; Virginia Motorsports Park, Dinwiddie, VA

Russell "Muscolo di Amore" Brock
Dec 1, 2002
Photographer: Darren "That's One Small Box" proctor
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130_0212_01_z+nopi_race_wars+toyota_solara Photo 1/1   |   NOPI Race Wars - Virginia's Lovers

Ordinarily, an opening sentence like this one is reserved for phrases like "the racers displayed," or "despite the heat," or "the weather couldn't dampen their spirits." Instead, this story opens with a sentence describing what most opening sentences say because we sent freelancer Darren Proctor to Dinwiddie, Virginia, to capture the NDRA action, and we have no idea what the outside temperature was really like, nor do we know whether or not anyone's spirits were truly dampened that day. We could ask DP, but he's been busy trying to cram himself into a 2-foot plexiglass cube for his lady's art installation, so it's a little tough to understand him.

From what we can decipher from his snaps though, it looks like Dinwiddie's Motorsports Park was absolutely packed with participants and visitors. Perhaps one of the reasons the audience bulged was because of the lady in red, Dalene Kurtis, who holds two titles herself-Miss Playmate of the Year 2002 and new host for NOPI Tuner Vision. Taking a dip in the foam pit alone may not have been Dalene's brightest idea, but it did show the dedication she bolsters for her new job. After the male participants groped her more than a dapper young man holding flowers in a nursing home, Dalene got her fair share of testosterone, as well as a soapy introduction to the world of hosting NOPI Tuner Vision. Note to self: replacing rubber ducky with Dalene at bathtime is a good idea.

Pro ImportOf course, who else would you expect to place these days other than Bullish Motor Racing? Ara Arslanian blasted into the top qualifying position with a 7.11 @ 190.14mph while teammate George Ioannou cemented the two-spot with a close 7.24 @ 189.04mph. R.J. Simrock qualified in Third with an 11.39, but since there were only three participants, he didn't feel so charged up about it. In the end however, George raced head-to-head with his pal-or would have anyway if Ara didn't redlight. With that, George took home the gold.

Pro OutlawTuning turned to tragedy in the Outlaw class as Shaun Carlson buried the Meguiars Focus six feet under.

Poor Shaun blew the engine in the front-wheel-drive Meguiars Focus, and no amount of tire shine could save it from the great motor farm in the sky. With a snapped billet crank leaving a hole larger than the heftiest breast implants at the bikini contest, the car looks like it's going to be toast for the rest of this year. Shaun however, is accepting donations and will be touring malls across the country in a Santa outfit, ringing a bell next to a slotted coin container. Please be kind enough to do your part.

While Shaun was busy giving his engine block the snazzy Grand Canyon look in the second qualifying round against Len Monserrat, Chris Rado was busy praying that the Lord would somehow grant him a bye. His prayers answered, Chris advanced to First Place with a 9.07 @ 166.37mph run against Casper the Carless Ghost.

Pro 4-CylinderRecently receiving a spanking from Lance Ho Lung at a previous NHRA race, Lisa Kubo turned the tables and snatched the paddle from his hands, whacking away at Lance in the Pro 4-Cylinder class. Running 9.01 @ 162.47mph against his 9.38 @ 153.23mph pass, it wasn't a complete shutout, but vengeance was sweet nonetheless.

Pro StockFeaturing the highest participant attendance, Scott Mohler floated to the top of the Pro Stock series by making consistent, steady runs in his Mopar Neon. Up against Larry Herring in the final round, Scott tried dumping olive oil and balsamic vinegar all over his opponent's VDO CRX, but they wound up taking a break to dip sourdough bread in the slots around the windshield. Once the car was all mopped up, they got back in and fired the engines up. With an 11.55 @123.60mph pass against Larry's 12.34 @ 120.82mph, Scott stole the glory, vowing to return to the tracks with more Sicilian delicacies.

The Score
Driver Car e.t. mph
Pro Import
Winner George Ioannou {{{Toyota}}} Solara 8.18 179.64
Runner-Up Ara Arslanian Toyota Solara FOUL
Pro Outlaw
Winner Chris Rado {{{Toyota Celica}}} 9.07 166.37
Runner-Up BYE
Pro 4-Cylinder
Winner Lisa Kubo {{{Honda Civic}}} 9.01 162.47
Runner-Up Lance Ho Lung {{{Honda}}} {{{Civic}}} 9.38 153.23
Pro Stock
Winner Scott Mohler {{{Dodge Neon}}} 11.55 123.60
Runner-Up Larry Herring {{{Honda CRX}}} 12.34 120.82
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By Russell "Muscolo di Amore" Brock
1 Articles

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