Getting there, contrary to the clich, is hardly ever half the total amount of fun on most road trips, but then again, most road trips are not the annual Super Street Tour. You see, we guarantee much more than a 50 percent chance of amusement on the open road when you're on our infamous adventure across the right-hand side of the USA, but that doesn't necessarily mean you'll have less than half a good time when you arrive at its final destination. No, absolutely not, because it just so happens that the Tour's final destination is the NOPI Nationals Motorsports Supershow. It's the most expansive, diverse, and, quite possibly, the most massive car show on the planet. Remember, we were likely the first test-takers in the nation to score negative points on the math section on the SATs, so just ignore the proportions here and concentrate on something else.
Picture something beautiful. There now, you have it? Yes, the NOPI Swimsuit Nationals should definitely infiltrate your brain at this point because it is divinely wonderful. It's quite possibly the only affair you may have in your life that will not only last two days straight, but also feature a flood of beautiful women. Girls with self-esteem issues from all over the Dirty South gather to be judged by a horde of undersexed car enthusiasts, and we couldn't be more excited to join in. But as things go at the NOPI Nationals, the bikini contest stage wasn't the only place making it difficult for us to walk. Take, for example, the girls at the Toyota booth! Yay, Toyota (Toyota girl, call Russell-Staff)! Bless you for buying such scanty outfits. Hell, take any booth at the show and you'll find more than one gorgeous girl to thrust your desperate need for affection upon (Toyota girl, Pleeease call Russell-Staff). It's that awesome.
Obviously, we found it difficult to concentrate on much more than our collective blue balls, but there is so much more to the NOPI Nationals that we just have to move on. The Meyers brothers, the two dudes from NOPI who mastermind the entire event year after year, really know what's up when it comes to entertaining, and this year was unquestionably groundbreaking. Not only are we talking the staple events of the NOPI Nationals, such as the dB drags, the burnout contest, and the hydraulic jump-off, but a few new milestones were added to the roster as well. Like what? Like drifting! A swarm of attendees finally got a taste of genuine tire punishment right before their eyes as Kazahiro Tanaka smoked it up in the parking lot right next to the massive entrance line in the Valvoline NOPI Drift exhibition. We've never seen a crowd more ecstatic to be devirginized in our entire lives.
We honestly cannot wait until Tour 2004, and we hope you'll be bored enough of sitting on your ass alone to join us as we sit on our asses all the way to Atlanta. A promise is a promise, and we promise you'll have the time of your life both on the road and at the NOPI Nationals. The Tour awaits you.