Sons Of The Beach - General Motor's Spring Break Tuner Bash

The GM Tuner Bash was a definite success. The event managed to draw perpetually drunk spring breakers in mass, no small feat when you have a beach full of bikini-clad babes a short hop away. Thanks to all the work put in by the Super Street staff, everything was better than expected. The Nitrous Express bikini contests had every male (and even a few females) drooling uncontrollably. The show cars managed to attract even more stares. It's only fair, though, being that the cars used more wax and polish than the bikini girls did. Dyno-queens could be heard ripping up the Castrol Syntec Dyno Challenge all weekend long. It was nice to be able to see some cars in action; it was just too bad they wouldn't let me test my nitrous-equipped Power Wheels Bigfoot.

You want to know why I was at GM Tuner Bash while you had to invest in a case of Preparation H? Well, maybe if you had bothered to enter the Nitrous Express Super Street Editor for a Day contest you would have been there in my place, trimming Nads' beard, highlighting Jonny's hair, and cooking tacos for Ricky. Surely your bio would have been better than mine. Hell, all you had to do was mail in a page from Penthouse Forum with a pic of yourself and you would have been in! Like I said, wasted opportunity. Just as well, my paycheck for the weekend was a grand total of...83 cents (remember next time you see a Super Street editor to deposit some coinage in his Styrofoam cup).

What was it like to be the FNG for a weekend? Well, I came away with one lesson: if you wanna hang with the Super Street staff, you better be able to hang. Don't even dare approach an editor unless you have a Sumthin' and Coke for them in hand. Knowhatimean?-David Ortiz

Nitrous Express Bikini Contest Winners
Friday: Tara Baptiste
Saturday: Cindy Bailey

Have some respect for the couch and get a room.