Sons Of The Beach - General Motor's Spring Break Tuner Bash

Enter the Beaner (And Hold the Cheese) (His Words, Not Ours.-Staff)
What did you do for spring break? Did you visit grandma for her famous barbecue liver and onions? Perhaps you developed hemorrhoids while working on your couch's butt groove, only to have a carnie ruin it. Maybe you slept in. While all are worthwhile ways to spend a week off, you are left with a bad taste in your mouth: wasted opportunity (maybe it was just the liver and onions). If you weren't in Daytona Beach for the GM Spring Break Tuner Bash, then not even your buddies' Listerine and Colgate can help you now.

Unfortunately, if you missed the GM Tuner Bash, it's too late to go back. It's July, you are sitting here reading this glorified toilet paper and wasting your summer break. At least you can pretend you were there. (You can tell your friends that it's you in the crowd shot. "Yeah, that's the top of my Padres cap over there in back, see?") Just sit back, break out your favorite six-pack of kiddy paste, and try not to get the pages stuck together while reading this (with the paste of course).

The GM Tuner Bash was a definite success. The event managed to draw perpetually drunk spring breakers in mass, no small feat when you have a beach full of bikini-clad babes a short hop away. Thanks to all the work put in by the Super Street staff, everything was better than expected. The Nitrous Express bikini contests had every male (and even a few females) drooling uncontrollably. The show cars managed to attract even more stares. It's only fair, though, being that the cars used more wax and polish than the bikini girls did. Dyno-queens could be heard ripping up the Castrol Syntec Dyno Challenge all weekend long. It was nice to be able to see some cars in action; it was just too bad they wouldn't let me test my nitrous-equipped Power Wheels Bigfoot.

By David Ortiz

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