We are not entirely sure what was going through the spotless minds of our Primedian big bosses when they decided that if one Tuner Bash is fun, then two would be twice as nice. We're down with that. Two shows on back-to-back weekends. Two full weeks of freedom from our cube farm captivity (complete with decorative Dilbert calendar) during spring break in Flor-ida with one party in Panama City on the Gulf Coast and the other in Daytona Beach running up against the A-T-L Ocean. We were guaranteed to be awash with thong-tha-thong-thong-thongs (and who knows what the women would be wearing).
But alas, Howard put the kibosh on our plans citing our lascivious Beads and Booty tour of last year. Because we were confined to quarters during the Panama City show, someone had to go in our place. Lil' John Prescott served as our lensman because he can maintain a steady hand with all them tig ole bitties in his face. We tend to shutter uncontrollably at the sight of all that soft, supple, buttery skin. That's right, honey, you don't want to burn now, do you? Rub that lotion in. Rub it in good. Uh, sorry, we went to our happy place for a moment there.
Because Prescott knows less about Spring Break than we do about where babies come from, we couldn't think of a better person to write the story than our 19-year-old intern, Bunny Krazelman. Not only is Bunny a second-year freshman at the University of Phoenix (even she couldn't explain why the campus is in La Mirada, California,), but she's also the chapter treasurer for the Omega Mu sorority. Did we mention that Bunny has the perkiest little (Please continue-Primedia HR department)...hairdo! We meant to say, "hairdo." (Good save!-JW) We have nothing but the highest respect for Bunny and her pert, nubile, uh, hair. Unfortunately, Bunny's Panama City story was not as spectacular as her, um, hair.
Dear Nads,
I always laff when I say that ;),
Thank you sooo much 4 the trip 2 Florida. You've always been sooo nice 2 me, and you're always buying me gifts and doing my work 4 me. Oh yeah, that reminds me, I need to take next Friday off. Usher is playing at On Air With Ryan Seacrest and you don't even understand how much of a crush I have on both of them-totally TDF. Anyways, I've never been on an airplane before. I did want 2 become a stewardess once, but I guess that doesn't count. Panama City was a total blast-OMG sooo many hotties. I thought Florida was like on the other side of the country but the sun still goes down into the ocean like in LA. I don't know 2 much about maps though. I should probably ask my geology teacher. Besides, he always offers 2 tutor me at his house. He's very nice, just like you. Speaking of nice, all the guys at Panama City were sooo nice. They kept giving me beads. All I had to do was show them my...(Please continue-Primedia HR department)
Sorry about that, Bunny, the rest of your text and those images of you seemed to have been accidentally permanently deleted from all of our office servers. Don't forget, tomorrow we need you to wash our project cars. We don't want you to get your work clothes all dirty, so feel free to wear anything else. A white tank top and shorts will suffice.