After we make the turn, step off the gas, pull thee-brake, turn the steering left and hit the gas again. Once you feel the rear wheels break loose, keep your eyes on the cone and feather the throttle as if we were doing donuts."
"Ok. Sounds easy enough."
I'm lying. I'm trying to process every word the Star Girl herself, Verena Mei, just said. And it's about the most complex set of directions since the Konami up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A cheat code. I have no idea what the hell I'm doing and I'm more nervous than a father sending his underage daughter to summer camp with R. Kelly. I've never drifted, nor even attempted to, and this is my crash course (hopefully not literally).
While I hadn't envisioned my drift-popping experience before, I never thought it'd be in an audience of pro drifters. With cameras rolling. And a hot chick as my instructor. Remember how hard it was trying to learn how to ride a bike?
Well, imagine if, for your first time, Travis Pastrana and Nate Adams were filming, as Jessica Alba perched on your handlebars and barked orders. Oh, and you had to compete against girls.
That's right, I was about to go mano-a- womano at Willowsprings against four girls (who've also never drifted) and be judged on my efforts by Drift Buffet's Terry Henderson. Coaching was given by none other than drift masters Samuel Hubinette, Tanner Foust, Steph Papadakis, Ross Petty and Verena Mei. The girls? Stina Hubinette, Elizabeth Locke, Courtney Day and Eri Moriyama. The lone boy? Myself. Octane TV and our Super Street online staff were on hand to record the events for future posterity (read: humiliation). The pressure of playing drift proxy for all mankind felt like Jenny Craig's class of '07 squashing my fat head.
If I lost, it'd be coat-check time for my balls.
Act One:
The event started off rocky: Nadsy sent out a text at dawn, looking for a car to replace our cover car that was still being built. Thankfully, Falken Tire's Nick Fousekis and his wife Selina graciously offered up their daily-driven S13 240SX. We just had to make sure we didn't blow up the stock KA24 for his roundtrip drive home.
The first part of the competition was relatively easy. Each pair had to perform donuts around a cone. Elizabeth and Tanner went first and after going in wide circles, she managed to break the rear wheels in the first of many donuts that day. Stina and Sam went second and in true Hubinette form, she smoked up the tires like a Swedish pro. Next were Courtney and Steph, who also went wide but broke into tire-smoking donuts in no time. Under Ross' careful tutelage, Eri (who's never driven a stick shift in her life) floored the throttle and dropped the clutch, spinning the car violently in semi-circles into what Judge Terry fondly refers to as cinnamon rolls (not quite a donut). Up last were Verena and I.
Coming from the mid-'90s Honda era, I've never attempted a donut. Sure I've done some mean FF burnouts on the track and in front of nightclubs in my day, but by the time I purchased my first FR ride (S13) I was too old (scared) to risk getting busted by the cops. Besides, I'm on "legal restrictions" and the last thing I need is to go to jail for a mobile act named after a glazed sweet.
So when it came to my turn, I was actually (prepare for the understatement of the year) a little nervous. All the girls did well (dammit!) and I knew I'd have to commit harakiri for disgracing the penis-wielding clan I represented if I couldn't spark up the tires in heavy smoke. After careful instruction from Verena, I pulled Nick's 240SX up to the cone closest to the driver's side. I revved the motor up to six-grand, turned the steering slightly to the right, crossed my fingers and dropped the clutch. The car lurched forward and the rear end started to kick out.
"Keep your eyes on the cone!" Verena snaps.
As I do so, my hand naturally starts to dance between counter-steering and turning into the cone. I keep revving and steering until. . .yes! What is that? Smoke! Yes, we have smoke! Gorgeous, rubbery-smelling smoke thankfully fills the warm, blue-skied California air (well, at least the cockpit), as I spin semi-gracefully around the cone. "That's good. Let's stop and try to do it in reverse for extra points."
That's a tad bit harder with the cone on the passenger's side. But with Verena's coaching, I pull it off. Victory!