If you've ever driven in Paris, you'll know its car tuners must meet some very specific requirements. First, they must be able to idle in stationery traffic for hours, without overheating, then be able to accelerate to maximum velocity in the blink of an eye. They must also be painted incredibly bright colors to give people a chance of seeing them as they hit the off-ramp at 120 mph (or whatever that is in kilometers). As if that weren't trouble enough, the women don't shave their armpits, and they have really funny accents. (Yes, we're that shallow.)
The French drive like people who are always very late for an incredibly important meeting-and they are very angry about it. Yet despite these unique tuning requirements, we were amazed to find that most of the local tuners at the Paris Tuning Show had turned their backs on what the people wanted and just given them a taste of Les Vite Et Les Furious. Yes, the big theme in Paris was (oddly enough) America. Definitely not what we expected.
It may be smug, but there's something deeply funny about a lowrider shop called East Coast Ridazz trying to sell chromed 22-inch spinners and 'bagged suspensions to Jean-Paul and Michel. But this stuff was attracting huge crowds. Or was it the girls in tiny shorts? (Tiny shorts! Tiny shorts!-JN)
The big trends in Paris seemed to be switches and 'bags and chrome rims. Who'd have guessed? The French are normally too obstinate to copy anybody else, preferring to create their own unique and idiosyncratic styles. But there they were, California-style Golfs, lowrider pickups, an Escalade, and even flame paint jobs. It was like we were in Paris, Texas.
Now the French may have borrowed some Stateside style, but they were applying it to their home-grown machinery. You've got Peugeots, Citroens, and Renaults, all modified to a standard that was definitely world class.
Perhaps the most unusual was the very rare Renault Spyder. Only a handful of these 2.0L, mid-engined speedsters were built, and they have cult status across Europe. Well, except for one owner who was prepared to add a fiberglass nose and paint the car orange. Ducati mirrors were a nice touch, although the 18-inch Billet wheels didn't quite suit. Whatever your thoughts, it was a brave attempt to do the unthinkable.
Even more outrageous was the Vauxhall Astra Coupe from British company Calibre Coachworks (www.calibrecoachworks.com). Its DTM-inspired bodywork attracted the biggest crowds of the show and it was perfectly complemented by the silver and blue paintwork. Similar in stature to a Civic coupe, the enormous fenders accommodated the 22-inch rims so comfortably that they looked much smaller, particularly with the air-ride dropped to the floor.
The original 2.0L four-cylinder engine had gone, replaced by a 3.2L V-6 that was both supercharged and given nitrous. Its builder claimed 440 bhp through the front wheels. He had swapped the gearbox to provide some durability, but we doubt this car will ever see a quarter-mile, especially when you look in the trunk and spy the immaculate gathering of amps and screens. Yet this only plays a supporting role to what's inside the car. The rear passenger compartment has been equipped with an amphitheater of amps and subs, beautifully sculpted around the rear of the cabin. These provide the soundtrack to yet more screens up front. The custom dash, sports seats, and hi-fi all reflect the exterior color scheme perfectly. But you don't have to take our word for it. Apparently, Meguiar's has arranged to ship the car to LA later in the year, and it will also be heading to SEMA while over here.