It's a simple formula, really. A traveling party of the craziest Super Street junkies rushes senselessly through traffic and numerous cities to get to one of the biggest car shows of the year, the NOPI Nationals in Atlanta. Riding along is a small team from the Super Street staff that helps host a couple of rest stops, including a bevy of nightly parties. In the end you have the diagram for the annual Super Street Tour, a week-long event more notorious for the lewd episodes it produces than the actual voyage itself.
This year's South Leg was the smallest and shortest Leg of the three-legged Tour, where the caravan of Super Street readers penetrated the inner regions of Georgia by driving up the vas deferens of Florida, which at the time was just massively gang-banged by the strongest hurricanes to ever salsa with Mother Earth. More deadly hurricanes loomed, making the South Leg the most intense convoy of the entire Tour because, in spite of it all, it managed to bring together the most passionate group of people since members of the Heaven's Gate cult castrated themselves.
The Leg's starting point was at HP Racing in Miami, where the customary preparty was held. A calm before the Tour storm, the preparty amassed around 50 show cars and a countless amount of people, including the usual chest-hairy Cubans with their chest-heavy Cuban girlfriends, who enjoyed the free food, music, and Tour 2004 giveaways. The hot and muggy climate also made an appearance and brought along tuner-loving mosquitoes that indiscriminately gorged away at the warm bodies. However, this year's South Leg offered something more than just the homicidal weather, Cuban eye candy, and West Nile-spreading mosquitoes.
For one, Nads finally caught on to my scheme of dodging this event for the past two years and sent me on the Tour for the first time, violently breaking my sensitive Tour hymen and forcing me to act as the sole editorial representative. Second, a set of blonde twins with a set of very large breasts, more commonly known as the Barton Twins (the girls, not the breasts), agreed to make the long drive to Atlanta. Third, being a big fan of any set of blonde twins with any set of very large breasts, I immediately planned on filling any free moment I had with attempts at getting these twins to take off their tops so they could give each other animalistic tongue strokes. In other words, all of the above more or less indicated this would be the most sexually perverted South Leg to ever embark on the Tour.
Day 1Miami to Daytona Beach: 283 milesThe first day of the South Leg promptly began at 8 a.m. in HP Racing's parking lot. Naturally, the usual suspects arrived on time. Hot and muggy apparently pulled in at the crack of dawn, bringing along with them steamy, sticky, and damp. It's fitting to feel as if you are on the surface of an actual dong when you travel across America's dong.
The crowd started off small with five cars making the Day 1 call time, including Alex Abadia's supercharged Honda Civic Si, which is also this month's Final Call feature.
Of course, I drove in style inside an '05 Acura RSX Type-S, which offered a lot in the comfy and power department. And it's always a good thing when a car manufacturer as big as Acura trusts you with a new car, especially when you know full well that (A) you don't have a driver's license, (B) you're an illegal alien, and (C) you masturbate while driving on long trips. I'd like to thank Acura nonetheless.
Sitting with me in the RSX were eurotuner's Phil Royle and Super Street photographer Wes Allison, both of whom worshiped the Barton Twins' breasts as much as I did. However, between our scientific discussions about the buoyancy of silicone, Phil strangely droned on about the proliferation of boy bands in the post-Jackson 5 era, which led me to believe that his booby worship was as fake as the boobies themselves.