When it comes down to it, fantasizing about being a secret agent for the government isn't about traveling the globe to spy on the enemy or using the latest in technology to detect bombs and spot confidential documents. When it comes down to it,being a secret agent is about getting the international dime breezies. 'Nuff said. Sure, it would be entertaining to sport adaptive camouflage and dip inside an amphibious Aston Martin DB5-cool, no doubt. But that's not why we dream about being the double-O-seven.
We watch all the James Bond flicks and live vicariously through him because, damnit, we want to bust the guts of Bond girls like Honey Ryder, Pussy Galore, Kissy Suzuki, Mary Goodnight, and my favorite, Holly Goodhead. It's every man's dream at one point-after being a cowboy, a baseball player, a rapper, and even a pimp-to become a secret agent. But crossing the line, turning fantasy into reality, takes a different type of man, someone who has all the time in the world and doesn't apologize for it. Meet Christian Rado, a habitual line stepper who more than crossed the line, he done erased it, drew it again, and spit on it, as supported by his latest project, what I dub the Octopussy-mobile Scion tC.
Complete with Spy Hunter-inspired vehicular gadgets, sure to inflict the cruelest and most unusual punishments on any given enemy, and maybe (hopefully) even drop the pants of unsuspecting women, this widebody tC quite possibly represents the most extensive work ever done to a car. Billed as a show car, this is Christian's first attempt at building a ride that's not entirely suited for the quarter-mile, where he makes his living as the WORLD Racing Pro FWD Scion tC driver. This tC quite simply is a design that satiates Christian's eccentric taste. "I wanted to build something that had some purpose or theme to it," explains the professional drag racer, who currently sports a mane of JC-inspired long, hippie locks, "And all the James Bond and Spy Hunter cars fascinated me as a kid. So I couldn't just slap some wheels, graphics, body kit, and BS tuner accessories on the tC and call it the Bond car. That's just not how I do things. If it's a spy car, it needs all the real stuff that an agent could use."
And in seven full months, Christian sought out and helped build his childhood dream. There were over four shops involved in the creation of the car. The first stop was Extreme Dimensions, an automotive aerodynamic company, that took the tC to one of its prototyping shops-Sinful Enhancements in San Diego, California-which built the prototype kit for the car. The next stop was Twins Turbo, an outfit owned by the Kozeluh brothers in Long Beach, California, where a prototype turbo kit was crafted, which will be on sale when this story hits the newsstands and is proven to produce over 500 hp. The last stop was at J&G Customs in Huntington Beach, California, where they built the audio system, the motorization of the computers, and the spy panels. All of the shops hauled ass to help complete the car in time for last November's SEMA Show deadline.
They did a considerable amount of work in such a short time. The spy elements are clearly the highlights of the car, and explaining them in mere words doesn't do the setup any justice. It's definitely a ride to see in person, in order to fully grasp the hard work and creativity put into it. But seeing that I'm obligated to write at least 1,000 words so old man Nads can pay for my collagen injections, I'll describe them and itemize each product in a Romulus Ricafranca-ish sort of way.
Clearly, any spy car needs the smoke screen/oil slick setup. These are the must-haves for anyone who dreams of building a spy car. It's the Jordan IVs in the shoe fanatic's closet, the Kobe Tai vid in the complete porn collection, the Brokeback Mountain DVD in, well, you get the point. From what I've seen in movies, the smoke screen/oil slick setup is supposed to deplete the ground-based enemies by temporarily hiding from them using the smoke, then forcing them off the road with the drop of the oil slick, all of which are activated via dedicated buttons. And, not surprisingly, Christian's tC has all of the above, which I assume can be helpful when being chased by the police or if Rado decides to go OJ Simpson on somebody.
Another key feature in the spy vs. spy department is the flamethrowers. Sure, nine out of 10 guys would be in stitches after watching someone drown in a sea of fire, and jokes about using the stop, drop, and roll method would run rampant, but to Christian it's just another must-have in his long list of spy paraphernalia, which includes night vision (to peep out the bad guys or watch Paris Hilton have sex), retina and fingerprint scanners (to identify Christian, as if his flamboyant clothing and wild hair isn't enough), and mobile internet (for surfing the 'net for obscure YouTube.com videos while driving). Jokes aside, these are pretty damned sweet tools to play with. But the real question remains. Will all of these gadgets get me closer to getting goodheaded from the Holly Goodheads of the world? Christian says yes, but I'm still not convinced.