There's a saying that my grandmother used to tell me every day, back when I was a snot-nosed little tyke in the Philippines. It was an expression of principle and conduct, of love and life, and perhaps of the future and the past. I still live by it today and hope to pass it on to my kids-if and whenever I get my sperm count up again and the doctor clears me for sexual activity. Let's just say that it's all fun and Cialis until someone gets a severe case of priapism. Anyway, the saying goes like this:
"Ang maliit ay tito mo. Bastos ikaw. Ang mabaho iyong pek pek ng ina mo."
To this day, I still don't know what any of it means. My grandmother passed away before ever explaining, and I pretty much kept the saying to myself, concealing it from the rest of the world; until the past year, the year 2008, which was a momentous year for all Filipinos:
The lead singer of Journey turned into some Filipino cat who sounds more like Steve Perry than Steve Perry himself. There have been more references to Filipinos on "Family Guy" than any other Asian race, though I would prefer they talk more about the Hmong since, well, they're Hmong: Even Clint Eastwood finds them funny (See: Gran Torino). Rob Schneider, who is half Filipino, found work, which is an amazing feat seeing that he is, after all, Rob Schneider. The small Filipino dude from the Black Eyed Peas (and the rest of the Black Eyed Peas, for that matter) have decided to stop singing, saving us all a lot of headaches at the clubs. Jollibee opened up a restaurant in Queens, New York, which means I can get some juicy Chicken Joy after getting my Uniqlo fix. And last, Emmanuel Dapidran Pacquiao, better known as Manny "The Mexicutioner" Pacquiao, decided to unleash some F-Fury ("Filipino Fury" for those who are not in the know) on three Mexican dudes, one of whom was a lingerie-wearing, East Los Angeles Mexican dude named Oscar De La Hoya. Now, if this wasn't the year of the Filipino, you can slap me with some tocino, bend me over a Jeepney, and call me silly!
But there was one more Filipino accomplishment that I almost forgot to mention, which would've been a shame because I was hired to write about it in this very article. And, no, it's not the fact that yours truly is back at it again on the pages of Super Street. To talk about it would just be crass, unnecessary, and so egotistical that it makes Kanye West look like Mother Teresa. So what if I happen to write for Super Street again? I mean, I should be writing for Super Street every month, right? Let's just say, after reading it for the past few months, that this magazine desperately needs Uncle Ro-Dogg in its life. But enough about me because that would just be ri-cock-ulous.
What I'm here to talk about is Joy Carino's '97 Toyota Supra. Yes, the Supra you see in front of you belongs to Joy, and she's not ashamed to let you know about it, especially if you happen to see her on the road. Her Supra, as if you already didn't know, is a special one. So special that if it were to attend school, it would be picked up by the short bus and be forced to wear a hockey helmet so the normal kids can call it Wayne Gretzky. Not that I did that to the special kids at school, but it would've been definitely special if I did (Note: Yeah, I called one of them Wayne Gretzky. What do you want from me? I was a poor kid from the inner city with bad acne, scoliosis, and an extreme case of halitosis. I had to make myself feel better somehow!).