With Japan being approximately 4,500 miles, 11 mind-numbing air hours, and 1,256,832 cartwheels away from Los Angeles, the development of our culture seems so far behind. It's bad enough that the small island nation has technology beyond our years. In fact, I heard the Japanese already have flying Honda Civics hovering over Tokyo, entire sushi meals in tiny capsules, and dogs that refer to their masters by first name. More importantly, they are light years ahead of us in car tuning.
Although Los Angeles is the hub for the import-car culture in the States, Japan is the virtual car tuning mecca of the world--and Alabama is still trying to figure out how to apply flying-robot graphics. Our deep fascination with the Land of the Rising Sun has glorified the country into one untouchable oasis. Yes, the Japanese boast helmet-wearing kamikaze pilots that nearly vanquished a whole state and crazy TV shows that put Jackass to shame, but all in all, it is merely a small island--until of course this Nissan Skyline first laid its rubber on the pavement.
It's amazing how one car can incite so much excitement; I'm surprised people haven't started naming their kids Skyline, Nissan, or RB26DETT. This car is the main reason we're so behind in automotive technology. Japan has been tuning and perfecting this car since 1957, and here we are gawking at every Skyline as if it was a panty-less cheerleader. I can just hear the tuners in Japan laughing out loud on their hovercraft skateboards while calling friends on their 3-inch color cell phones saying, "Them Americans just ain't right. Now what's for supper?" As we continue to get lambasted by other nations because of our technological shortcomings and our anachronistic tuning methods, they continue to create Skylines so amazing we can't help but look under their skirts.
And since there's no better leader in looking under skirts than this magazine, let's take a gander at the Xanavi Nismo Skyline GT-R. What else in this world can be more in tune than Nismo tuning a Skyline? Perhaps Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez but that relationship will only last for another two months if it's not already over. Maybe George W. Bush and his Axis of Evil theory, but since Dubya is as valid as the gum under my shoe and probably doesn't even know what "axis" means, that pairing is as un-tuned as the hamster in his head.
Therefore, a Nismo-Skyline combination is the only in-tune pairing this side of the Milky Way. Throw in the monetary support of Xanavi, and you have a recipe for an automotive money shot. Now get off your hands and knees, and let us explain to you who Xanavi is and what kind of damage this Skyline is capable of doing.
Xanavi is Japan's leading provider of Navigational Systems, helping the Japanese find shorter routes to bura-sera vendors and fugu restaurants. According to Xanavi's president and CEO, Osamu Numata: "We are challenged to meet the need for more creative products through marketing and full usage of fast changing electronic technology." But this is what he really meant to say: "We know what we're doing and the Americans don't. This one's for Hiroshima, beeeeyatch! Now, what's for supper?" With the help of Nismo, this Skyline is more deserving of a nuclear symbol than the publication before you because: 1) It's a freakin' Skyline. 2) It's a Japanese-tuned freakin' Skyline. And 3) It races in the All-Japan Grand Touring Car Championship (JGTC) under the GT500 class.
Like the Lakers to Staples Center and the Red Sox to Fenway Park, the Xanavi Nismo Skyline's home is in the JGTC, the preeminent racing series in Japan. The JGTC consists of two classes that field vehicles of the same horsepower--GT500 (500hp) and GT300 (300hp). The series just finished its ninth year this past November and is gearing up for the 2003 season later in March, beginning with Round 1 at the 2.3-mile TI Circuit Aida in Okayama, Japan. The 2002 points champions--the Esso Toyota Supra (GT500) and the ARTA A'PEXi MRS (GT300), our November car--will be defending their trophies against teams like the Mobil 1 NSX, au Cerumo Supra, and Daishin Advan Silvia. This year, however, the Esso Toyota Supra's main adversary in the GT500 class will be this Xanavi Nismo Skyline GT-R.
Covered in a dark blue and silver design, this GT-R can not only bring about eternal reflection about your already wretched life that consists of methodically driving back and forth to work in your lowered Hyundai Excel, but it can also funnel you through a series of life altering sensations, starting from First gear and ending with your skull flattened on the headrest. Piloted by Tetsuya Tanaka and Michael Krumm, the Xanavi Nismo Skyline pushes the RB26DETT engine to its maximum capacity, although midway through the 2002 season, Nismo experimented with a twin-turbo VQ engine. At approximately 500hp, the famous engine has a 10:1 cylinder compression and an 87.0 x 77.7 bore and stroke. No wonder tuners get epileptic seizures every time this Skyline roars by at sonic-boom speed; I thought it was just the cartoons or the panty-less cheerleaders taking a toll on the sexually frustrated.
I guess it's also no surprise that everything holding together this monster is made out of carbon fiber. The entire body kit and hood is manufactured by a Nismo carbon composite, which indicates that this car is as light as Al Roker after the operation. The AP Racing 5.5-inch carbon-fiber triple-plate clutch is a must-have if you plan on putting a lot of horsepower to the ground. I believe the only things in the exterior that aren't made out of carbon fiber are the wheels, tires, and windows. Since Japan has always been on technological binges, I wouldn't be surprised if they carbon-fibered those aforementioned products in the near future.
Delivering the Skyline to every corner are some 18-inch Rays Engineering TE37s. Bridgestone rubber surrounds these ultra-light wheels on both the front and the rear. Consequently, Eibach springs and Dynamic shock absorbers govern the wheels, while AP Racing's ventilated disc brakes offer quick decelerations for stopping short on uncompromising women. Last year, the Skyline's fastest time on the TI Circuit Aida is 1 minute, 28 seconds--a whole second faster than the Esso Supra. Further, this super machine can probably reach up to 200mph on long straightaways and Japanese police chases. All of this speed is attributed to Autech Japan's pistons and cams. In fact, the company went out of its way to throw in the piston rings for good measure.
Xanavi and Nismo definitely outdid themselves with this Nissan Skyline. Already a super machine by origin, the added essentials and tuning expertise to compete in the JGTC has made this the Skyline supreme. One cannot fully realize the greatness of this car until one has actually sat on the Mooncraft seat and put the X-TRAC sequential transmission into gear. Because once you hear and feel the six-cylinder roar, witness all the umbrella clinging women smiling at you, and watch the crowd standing on its feet to cheer you on, only then can you call yourself alive. In the meantime, just pretend you're in Japan smelling the sweet ambrosia that is the bura-sera panty and riding the Skyline at 225mph on the speedway--just make sure you don't let anyone hear you make "zoom-zoom" noises in your cubicle.
Driver's Education
DRIVER
Tetsuya Tanaka
DATE OF BIRTH
December 16, 1965
PLACE OF BIRTH
Kyoto, Japan
HEIGHT
5'7"
WEIGHT
145lbs.
ACCOLADES
2001
* Placed Fifth in the point standings in the JGTC 2000
* Won point standings championship in the Super Taikyu Series
* Second overall in the International Suzuka 1,000km race1999
* N1 Super Taikyu Series champion
* First Place in the Tokachi 24-hour endurance race
DRIVER
Michael Krumm
DATE OF BIRTH
March 19, 1970
PLACE OF BIRTH
Reutlingen, Germany
HEIGHT
5'8"
WEIGHT
154lbs.
ACCOLADES
2001
* Placed Fifth in the point standings in the JGTC
* Seventh in the point standings in the Formula Nippon Championship series2000
* Won the first-ever overseas JGTC event in Malaysia driving Castrol Nismo Skyline1999
* Placed Sixth in the point standings in the JGTC
* Fifth Place in the point standings in the Formula Nippon Championship series