My ten-year high school reunion is tomorrow night and I can't help but wonder how my friends made out for themselves. I know a few are married, have kids, or both. But did any end up as a CEO of a fortune 500 company making more money a week than Primedia spends on focus groups a year?
For me, the past decade has been kind of an extended blur with breaks for work, getting kicked out of places, and other craziness, confirming and reconfirming that I'll never grow up. Anyone who knew me back then wouldn't bat an eye if you told them now that I was doing something with cars. My life was simple: It was either cars or skateboards-and I always talked trash. But what if things went different and Rikdaddy ended up as a(n):
* Fast Food Employee: Hey, idiot. Do you want fries or not? It's not a hard decision.
* Realtor: If you're not sure about the house, maybe you should ask your girlfriend since she seems to be running the show.
* Car Salesman: Nothing can be too fast. You might want to tuck your ovaries in, buddy.
* Investment Broker: Sorry. I don't even know what I was thinking when I invested your life savings in Kevin Federline's new album.
* Traffic Cop: I pulled you over because you're driving like an Jackhole, Jackhole.
* Personal Assistant: I don't know who you think you're talking to, but you can get your own damn dry cleaning.
* Grocery Checker: Uh, yeah, I use coupons too-but not all at once, cheap ass.
* Super Street Ad Sales: Do you wanna buy an ad? Well, why the hell not?
* Stylist: It's not my cut, it's your fat head, Bonk.
* Security Guard: Don't F with me, I have a can of pepper spray, flashlight, and a whistle.
* Flight Attendant: If you don't know to use a seatbelt by now, you should probably be wearing a helmet too.
* Dietitian: Put down the fork!
* Department Store Sales: I work off commission and that $8 jacket isn't gonna pay my bills.
* NBA Coach: You're getting paid $5 mill a year so do you think you could possibly put that orange sphere inside the hole when nobody is guarding you?
* Cable Guy: I'll be there between 8am and 8pm either Friday or Saturday.
* Fashion Photographer: Seriously, guys, just one more Polaroid and we're switching to film. I promise.