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Salton Sea Racetrack Terrain - Resonator

Wide-open vistas and untraveled roads

Les Bidrawn
Nov 1, 2008
Epcp_0811_02_z+Audi_RS4+front_view Photo 1/1   |   Salton Sea Racetrack Terrain - Resonator

Visions Of Grandeur?
The Salton Sea was a mistake, an epic misstep in the history of civil engineering. Poorly designed irrigation channels burst and the ensuing deluge was left unchecked, for years.

One hundred years later we are at the water's edge, playing Frisbee with dried, dead fish. It's a great game and the lifeless tilapia seem specifically made for aerodynamic efficiency. If you get enough spin, it's possible to clear the Salton Sea Yacht Club and all two of its boats.

Man tried to make the best of this 400-square-mile catastrophe, creating a desert resort, a water playground of sorts. Nature, however, has other plans. She wants it back. Decay has leeched into the mix like rain onto a watercolor. The Salton Sea community is slowly melting back into the desert. All that's left are the roads.

And that's why we're here.

Grand subdivisions of housing never materialized but the streets are still there, cutting through the terrain like complex Indian sand paintings. We have our own racetrack with names like "Seaview Drive," "Mullet Ave," and "Beach Club Way." A thick layer of dust coats everything and each corner is punctuated with glorious tail-wagging drifts. I push too hard a few times and cut through someone's front patio, running down imaginary pink flamingos and yard elves. I imagine I'm the last man on earth and this is how I spend my days. The BMW M3, Audi RS4, and Mercedes C63 are my chosen steeds. They flank a 911 turbo, Corrado VR6, and a Unimog. My P-38 Lightning sits in the corner waiting for ammo. I use the DC-3 as a supply ship. Of course, it all ends around sunset because that's when the face-eating zombies are most active. At night, I lock myself into my secure compound, fire up the generator, and turn on the electric fence. I spend the evening reloading shells, cleaning my guns, and watching Lost Boys on DVD.

The aforementioned scenario has been played out a million times. Will Smith just did this game (and did it poorly in I am Legend). I could do it much better (which stands to reason why I drag the staff to the most God-forsaken pieces of earth). We need to keep in shape.

Yeah, I could live like this, at least for a few years. Eventually I'd need to re-stock my car collection (although that might prove difficult since the mutating zombie virus has wiped out mankind). OK, a few of the European-based manufacturers survived, in a glass bubble, on an island, building cars, just for me. It could happen.

But I digress. We have come to the Salton Sea for it's wide-open vistas and untraveled roads. We spent nearly $150 filling each car and, for that, we expect a lot. If I'm going to spend $5 for a gallon of fuel, I want it to last. And if it doesn't, it better provide one hell of a ride. Obviously, these cars represent the latter-they did not disappoint.

We spent two days at the Salton Sea, driving until our hands hurt. We didn't need to spend so much time there; it was purely for enjoyment, like going to Best Buy with birthday money.

We had toyed with renting a track, recording numbers, timing laps. That bores the sh*t outta me.

I'd rather be dodging mutant face-eaters and follow my own set of rules.Les

By Les Bidrawn
242 Articles



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