Not long before Jeff Tremaine and Johnny Knoxville gave birth to the absurdity that is Jackass and Segway Inc. unleashed its two-wheeled, self-balancing chariot, I devised, quite possibly, the first fully operational, self-propelled Honda Civic front clip-Moto Clip, as it were. Admittedly, the idea of Moto Clip lies at the cusp of my automotive foolhardiness, yet shameful I am not. Here are the highlights that made it all work.
Brakes: Not surprisingly, stopping is even more critical when you've only got half a car. And no place to sit. Funny thing about front clips, though, is that whoever cuts them in half doesn't spare much. As such, brake lines are cut midship, including those for the rear. Plugging the proportioning valve's rear brake distribution outlets makes everything right. Bleeding the front brakes makes it all work.
Throttle: If your importer didn't gyp you, then you would've gotten a fully functional throttle cable and pedal assembly, neither of which you'd use since stepping on the gas while driving your front clip will never end well.
Gas: Another problem with the whole fully operational front clip thing is that the gas tank and fuel pump were left back somewhere in Japan. A one-gallon plastic fuel cell and inline pump fit nicely onto the passenger-side floorboard, strapped tidily against the underdash harness with a bungee cord. Access the lopped-off section of fuel line from underneath the car, bend it, and connect it to the pump's outlet with some scrap fuel line.
Wiring and Stuff: Depending on just how hacked up your clip is, none of this may even work. The engine and underdash harnesses have got to be semi-intact; any wiring that controlled the fuel pump can be rerouted to the inline pump.
Transmission: You won't be shifting so you can forget about any clever ways to rig up some sort of cable linkage. Be sure that the gearbox is in First and disable the clutch safety switch because, well ... have you ever tried stepping on a clutch while standing up?
Ignition: Forget the keys; connecting the ignition switch wire to the battery will make it go. Releasing that same wire that's in your hand will make everything slow down, eventually stop, and keep you from running into the wall at the end of the parking lot. It'll also make everything slow down and eventually stop when you fall out while travelling at 5 mph.
Exhaust: But why?
Wheels: Once you realize the dangers of only two wheels up front and a dragging ass end in such close proximity to the fuel cell, a pair of skateboard trucks and wheels begin to make a whole lot of sense and should be fashioned to the chassis, just below where the front seats once resided.
Steering: There's no place to sit but a fully functional steering wheel is included in nearly every front clip if you've got the gonads to make it more than 50 feet and actually need to turn. Use it as you would in any other car you've driven standing upright in.
Unfortunately for today's repair facilities and performance shops, they're not as apt to take part in such automotive idiocy, for the days of Honda front halves being shipped overseas by the boatload and dropped off at warehouse back doors has given way to more streamlined, cost-effective methods of long-blocks delivered by the pallet-load. Still, though, we must never forget; long live Moto Clip.
Legal disclaimer: If you try this, you are stupid. Seriously, don't try this!