Every year, over 100,000 wretched, spiritually bereft souls journey across the parched Nevada desert towards the bright and shining mecca that is Las Vegas. There, they gather for a week inside the cavernous halls of the Hilton Convention Center, seeking salvation and the latest in high performance automotive hardware.
SEMA is a spectacle of truly biblical proportions. One to which only those who have borne witness can fully understand. This year, I came away enlightened by the following 10 revelations.
Revelation 1: Moses lead the Israelites out of Egypt.
But he wouldn't have lasted half a day at SEMA in those sandals. With over two million square feet, SEMA is one of the largest trade shows of its kind in the world. Last year, it was estimated that if you walked up and down every aisle and saw every booth at SEMA, you would cover the distance of a marathon. This year, it was even larger.
Revelation 2: God never intended Hondas to drift.
If He did, He would have given the S2000 more torque and a limited-slip diff. He certainly would have not turned an all-wheel-drive Element into this rear-wheel drive abomination.
Revelation 3: The theory of the Evolution is no longer.
American tuners have cracked the code on the Lancer Evolution-a fact supported by large numbers of seriously modified versions on the show floor. But how good the next generation Evo will be, the Lord only knows.
Revelation 4: Give to Caesars, what is Caesars.
Especially if you were stupid enough to hit on 18, early in a six-deck shoe.
Revelation 5: To Thine Accent Be True.
I'm sorry to break it to you, Hyundai, but nobody is fixing up cars like this any more-especially your Elantras, Sedonas and Santa Fes. Studies have shown consumers worship your reliable, high quality vehicles and not these false idols in flashy paint jobs. We pray for your soul and thank the Lord for your return to WRC.
Revelation 6: Lead us not into temptation.
That would be impossible at SEMA. You're virtually surrounded by it .
Revelation 7: Ask and ye shall receive.
Unless you were hoping for a taxi at the end of the show each day, in which case refer Revelation 8.
Revelation 8: Good things come to those who wait.
In addition to cab and buffet lines, this one also applies to such minor miracles as the announcement that Mugen Hondas are coming to the US and Rays Wheels will be a Formula One supplier next year.
Revelation 9: Who can know the mind of God?
Or the super-rich and eccentric? The Michelin booth had the show's only quad-turbo, 1000hp Bugatti Veyron supercar. As if having one the world's fastest and most powerful production cars wasn't enough, the owner made sure his Veyron was the rarest of the rare by purchasing number one off the production line. In addition, this private collector also owns a McLaren F1 Le Mans (one of only five in the world) and the last Ferrari Enzo ever made (and signed by the Pope).
Revelation 10: Casino food is overpriced and generally not worth it.
Especially if it's late and your only option is the all night diner. You're better off heading down the strip to Spring Mountain Road. If you like Chinese food, it's worth the cab ride. Amen.
Enjoy the issue.