The boys have been verbally pecking at each other for 90 minutes. It’s heating up. I hear a dull thud; two seconds later Cole comes flying through the living room with Conrad just inches behind. Younger, but bigger, Conrad is growling, and furious that his older brother is just a bit quicker. Cornered, Cole meets wrath head on.
Thud, thud, thud, Smack!
Now Conrad is running from Cole.
Thud, thud, thud, Smack!
This is getting pretty good. I’d probably watch this on late-night TV.
I let them pound on each other for another minute. Eyes are starting to mist, faces are getting red. It’s time for me to play parent. The always-ready SuperSoaker squirt gun comes in handy here. A few pumps later, both boys are dripping wet, their energy directed at me. Water guns in hand, they come back smiling and seeking revenge.
Some might think the moral here is “real men resolve their disputes with weapons.” Not really. I don’t advocate fighting at all. Provided it’s an even match, sometimes brothers just need to wail on each other.
"Quit taking my picture, man. Freakin’ papparazi is everywhere. Anderson, go beat him up."
Speaking of wailing on people, I’m talking to UFC champion Anderson Silva. A few guys at the office have set up virtual shrines to the guy so I know he must be good. He’s come to drive with his buddy Jerome Dahan, owner of Citizens of Humanity Clothing.
Dressed in street clothes and wearing a brilliant smile, I have difficulty picturing this man knocking other guys out. Anderson looks and behaves like an average Joe, not this monster nicknamed “The Spider.”
Silva is what we in the automotive world would describe as a “sleeper” or “Q-ship”—that is, an average-looking car with huge performance. We love that type of car.
The half-million dollars in Mercedes with us is the exact opposite. Bulging fenders, NACA-style ducting, quad exhausts… the SLS makes a very bold statement, the Brabus version even more so. It wants everyone to know just where it sits in the grand arena.
Although its much older 300SL sibling was clearly a sports car, the current version is getting much closer to becoming an exotic. It will take the fight to Ferrari’s 458 or McLaren’s MP4 quite handily. By simply shaving a few pounds, the SLS could go all the way.
Silva is sort of doing the same thing, just the opposite direction. He’s so good he’s been fighting in heavier weight classes. I can’t help but wonder if the extra weight will have the same dynamic on a human as it does on a machine. Historically, carmakers would rather increase engine output than reduce weight. And as good as the SLS is, it would be much, much better if it didn’t carry so much mass. Granted, even a good driver is going to run out of talent long before the SLS does, which makes it almost a moot point. Still, lightness can be very rewarding.
Regardless of weight class, both Silva and the Brabus SLS are at top of their game. In the meanwhile, I have my own fight to attend. Prepare for an ultimate soaking, boys.