Interview By Carter Jung
Not to sound like Captain Obvious, but Kathy Gardiner is incredibly hot. Don't get us wrong, we are 2NR and all of our cover models are ravishing--okay, so there were one or two in our ten-plus years that were on the debatable list--but Kathy is ultra-smoking, leave-blisters-on-your-opposable-thumb hot. Don't believe us? Well, what about Maxim magazine? In all their printed wisdom, she isn't just a hottie, but a Hometown Hottie, ranked fifth in all the nation. In fact, she's so damn fine, Hankook Tires just courted her as one of their new spokesmodels. We, on the other hand, just want to court her.
So you're an army brat?
Yes I am, and literally a brat too! [laughs] I'm an only child and my dad says he spoiled me with too much love, which is why I'm a brat. But thanks to him, I am also very grounded and humble.
Did you move a lot while growing up?
Yes! I've lived in Germany, Italy, Korea, and all over the United States. I loved the traveling and diverse education, but it was bittersweet at the same time because I would make friends and then have to move... to this day, I still think about some of them.
How was it growing up on an army base?
My dad always had cool cars. In Germany, he would take me for rides out on the Autobahn. I also remember going to a nude beach in Italy--it was pretty cool seeing hairy, naked women at five years old.
Hairy, naked women? Gross. Sounds like Italian Yeti Gone Wild...
Yes! [laughs] It's a good time and something everyone should experience!
No thanks, I'll pass. Some things you can't unsee.
Oh come on! You know you want to!
My idea of a good time doesn't consist of hair balls.
OK, call me weird.
Are you into hairy men?
No... only hairy women. [laughs]
Nice! I think. Besides hairlessness, what do you look for in a guy?
I don't have a type, but I would say a great sense of humor is number one, honest and loyal second, and he must love dogs!
Don't forget: must love hairy women.
With all the constant moving, how did modeling come about?
I was in New Orleans partying one night, and a girl in black angel wings approached me and asked if I ever thought about modeling. I said sure, so I met with her agency and ended up shooting for several magazines and a few ads for boutiques in Louisiana.
One day after a shoot, the photographer suggested that I send my photos in to Maxim's Hometown Hotties contest and I ended up getting into the Top 100. Some time afterwards, I got a phone call during work and it was Maxim, saying that I made it into the Top Ten and invited me to the shoot in New York. I ended up Fifth and it was pretty much a go after that. A few years later, I did a movie and was inspired by my best friend to move to Los Angeles, which is where I am now.
Have you done a lot of acting since?
When I first moved here, I did a couple of small things like a speaking role on Entourage and Deal or No Deal as a model. Currently, I am working on an independent film with my friends called Promised Land that I'm really excited about. I've been working on it for a while and it is turning out to be bigger than we thought.
During Deal or No Deal, did you have a chance to meet Ursula Mayes?
Of Course! She's a halfsie like me. In fact, she's half Korean too.
Besides your involvement with Hankook Tire, are you in touch with your Korean side?
I love kimchee and bulgogi!
Can you speak?
I know a little...
Let me guess: the bad words?
Lil' ol' me? [laughs]
I'm sure you know a curse word...
My mom used to always tell me bali wa, which means hurry up!
[laughs] That's not an expletive! Here I am giving you an opportunity to vent to the world in a foreign language....
Here, I'll call my mom and ask her to teach me some dirty words in Korean.
That'll be great: "Oh hey mom, so I'm being interviewed by this weird Korean dude and he wants me to curse in Korean...."
She would say, "Katy, I cannot bereive you! Dats teddiber." [laughs] Don't put that in, by the way! I don't want my mom to know I make fun of her accent.
Don't worry, she sounds "exact-ree rike" my mom...
[Phone rings] Can you hang on while I get this phone call? I'll be quick! [fifteen seconds later] Do you like my poo brown phone?
It's awesome. Bowel inspiring.
Do you have to go? I can hang on if you would like? [laughs]
Or we could just move this interview into the restroom! That would have to set some sort of precedent. A gross one, but a precedent nonetheless.
That would be fun! Pooping and chatting. I guess that's why there are phones in hotel bathrooms.
I've always wondered about those toilet phones...
Like, why would you want to be talking to anyone on the shitter: "Hey Bob, the weather *FART* is great over here. Really windy."
I like to play my Nintendo DS while I poo. But don't tell anyone I do that because I like to tell guys I'm an alien and I don't poo.
[laughs] What is it with girls and their so-called inability to poo? It's a recurring theme-slash-lie with chicks. They want to will themselves not to poop, fart or burp.
Trust me--when it's just us girls, we talk about it quite often. That's a girl secret. [laughs] I'm not giving you anymore of our secrets!
No way! That would be breaking the chick code of honor.
Chick code of honor? Like girls pooping, it doesn't exist!
You know you have a dude code of honor!
We do, like, if your friend should break up with his girl, that ex is forever off limits.
Unless it's been at least two years and you happen to randomly bump into her. And that's only if you have written or oral consent from your friend, first.
[laughs] I love it!
Females on the other hand, will date their quote-unquote girls' exes all the time!
So you've never dated any of your friends' exes?
Not this girl! Guys will come and go, your girls will always be there for you!
OK, have any of said girls dated your exes?
No, can't say that I've had that pleasure.
You're lucky. Chicks be scandalous.
Yes, I know this. My dad always said when I get to be his age, I will be able to count the number of friends on one hand.
Indeed, true friends are hard to find. Switching gears, what do you do for fun?
Yoga, watching movies, playing poker, and vintage and eBay shopping.
What's the most random thing you ever purchased on eBay?
Hmm... a set of smiling donkey salt and pepper shakers is probably the most random and weird thing I ever bought. Before you ask, I don't know why I bought them. They were cute!
So you actually typed in the eBay Search box "Smiling Donkey Salt Shaker"?
I typed "vintage salt and pepper shakers" and there they were, smiling at me. [laughs]
I don't know about used food containers. Buying vintage posters or lamps, yes. Grimy salt and pepper shakers, no.
Yeah, but they were smiling! Plus, I could tell they needed a home--it's like when you go to a pet store and the puppy just picks you.
Note to self: Smiling asses do warm the souls of hotties. Going back to your hobbies, you play poker?
Yes! I also deal Texas Hold `Em at charity events and tournaments.
Are you good?
Yes, I try to stick to playing it on my Nintendo DS though--I know, very Asian--and I like to put my hoodie and sunglasses on and go to a random casino every once in a while. It's so much fun.
You play video games?
You are indeed Asian!
I love fighting games and Mario Brothers. Super Princess Peach, too!
Princess Peach has her own game?
Of course she does! She is Princess Peach!
Word? Here I thought she was only Mario's heina.
She's moved on. She's an independent woman!
The Beyonce of video games, got it. At the photo shoot you mentioned a funny story about a cat...?
Yes! I had a cat a couple years ago. I named her Meow because that is all she did... she would meow inside to let her out and she would meow to come back in. This one night, I was getting ready to go out so I put my jeans in the dryer to get the wrinkles out and went to blow dry my hair. When I turned my hair dryer off I heard a strange thumping noise from the dryer. I opened it and Meow jumped out meowing and dizzy. I started crying hysterically and put her on the couch and watched her for a few minutes. Her eyes were crossed and her tail was in an "L" shape. The tail stayed that way but she never meowed again. I guess cats really do have nine lives...
You are the Michael Vick of cat owners!
Besides torturing helpless animals, what's the worst job you've had?
I've done things like passing out flyers at a Nickelodeon event, driving around in a bright blue Volkswagon passing out samples in a bikini... Oh, I have a funny story about being a waitress!
This ought to be good...
I got a job a Chili's, my first time ever waitressing. I worked really hard for two weeks learning the tricks of the trade... I bought non-slip shoes and learned to roll silverware and everything. The day I finally started serving, my first table was a family. It was my only table so I made sure everything was amazing. They left me a penny for a tip--quite depressing, but I got over it. Afterwards, I went to the back to bring some food to another waiter's table. I never carried a tray before, but I picked it up like I knew what I was doing. The tray started to get heavy and it fell out of my hands and the food spilled everywhere! I cleaned up the mess, grabbed my purse and told my boss I quit because it just wasn't for me. I ended up getting paid one penny for working two weeks. Quite a learning experience. I decided bartending was more my style.
That's more sad than funny!
[laughs] Everything is funny after a while.
Like this interview... hopefully. Any final words?
Peace, love and happiness. Chunk the deuce!
Sounds very bowel-y