For the first time since Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen ran out of R. Kelly's audio-visual room, a pair of twins are making major moves in show business. Eric and Marc Kozeluh, better known as Koz and Grim, the brains behind Twins Turbo and hosts of the T.V. show you love to hate, Super 2nr TV, are in the works to make this '94 Toyota Supra the most multitalented thing in Hollywood since Peter North directed, produced, and starred in Pretty Peaches 2. The Supra, already producing a stock-but-strong 320 horses, is owned by the twins, and will be going under the wrench in order to achieve the tuning world's first-ever Triple Crown: a combination of producing 1,000 hp, hitting the 10-second mark in the quarter-mile, and experiencing 1.0 lateral g on the skidpad. Unlike Seabiscuit, this Supra is a sure-shot bet to accomplish the Triple Crown because Twins Turbo has the dedication, experience, and tools to make any hooptie into a fire-farting machine.
In this unprecedented project, the twins will be seeking the help of tuners from across the globe, from MoTec and OMP to AfterHours Body Shop and Penske. They will also air all the tech installs and practice sessions on Super 2nr TV, transmitted fresh from the studio to your 6-by-6 jail cell every Saturday and Sunday at 12 p.m. on your local Spike TV station. And thankfully for you, the twins chose their favorite Primedia magazine to simultaneously cover the project via words, sentences, and extremely bad grammar: the magazine you're currently holding in your hands, or as people who can read at a ninth-grade reading level call us, Super Street.
From what we've heard and discussed during our late-night, LBC-style meetings with the tuning twins, the Supra will be sporting a fatter skin, courtesy of AfterHours in Cypress, California, to accommodate the fat wheels from Kinesis. It will also have the heart of a champion, tuned by Twins Turbo, and fabrications galore, facilitated by Miller Electric. Super Street will be sporting fatter male-jugs, courtesy of Nads, to accommodate J-Wo's fat head that will be rubbed all over the jugs, the heart of a baboon, donated by Uncle Ro-Dogg, as well as thongs made of silk fabric, woven by seamstress Chu. All in all, it definitely will be an exciting project. We suggest you stay tuned for the next episode, which will feature the Supra's engine build up, as well as the official count of dye bottles Ricky has put in his head.