Usual Suspects

Rich Chang
Rich has been blessed this month with another weekend adventure with Brian Austin Green, um, we mean Brian Fox. They started off by looking for producers or record labels to sign them. It doesn't help that they can't agree on a name for their new rap group. Rich wants to name it Dude! and Brian feels more comfortable if it were called Tight-Tight. After two hours of arguing over the name, Brian kicked Rich out of his Saturn and locked the doors. Rich started throwing dirt clods at the car but Brian didn't notice because he had his eyes closed while he honked the horn and yelled "La-la-la."

John Choi
Have you ever wondered who that guy is that is always driving 20mph slower than everyone else on the freeway? That guy is John. And the reason he drives so slow is because he's been trying to sew Super Street patches on all of his polo shirts while he's driving. We hate to be the one to tell him, but we have a new logo. So that means all his countless hours of learning how to stitch have gone to waste. Who cares? Quit driving so slow, you're holding up traffic.

Darren Proctor
Darren got an inner ear infection from eating too much bleu cheese and has lost all sense of balance. He can barely walk to the mailbox without falling over. But what do we care, we sent him out to cover an event for us because we were too lazy to go ourselves. Just kidding. We really do care about Darren so we sent him a helmet so he wouldn't hurt himself if he fell really hard. We were kind of skeptical of how protective the helmet would be since it was in a box labeled "Novelty item only. Not for protective use." But come on, it was only $2.99. Unfortunately, Darren couldn't figure out which way to put the helmet on and ended up wearing it backwards the entire show.

Matt Teske
We must bid farewell to Pesky Teske for this is his last month. His left arm has been in a sling for the past few weeks and must undergo some major surgery. At first, nobody really cared to ask what happened because he was just an intern anyway. Finally, Nads asked him what was up with the gimp arm. Pesky replied that he was just cleaning it by the sink in the bathroom when his dad walked in. Instinctively, he ran towards the shower and slipped on a bar of soap that he was using to, um, clean. He landed onto the toilet, broke his glasses, and dislocated his left shoulder. Jonny still makes him give everyone foot massages after we go running.